The Hidden Thing That Breaks Talks Apart

Hey, my friend,

Today, I want to talk about something I have seen happen in many relationships.

Maybe you have felt it too.

It generally happens when you start a talk with someone you care about because something is sitting heavily in your heart.

You hope they will listen and understand you.

But instead of hearing you, they bring up something you did in the past.

And, right away, the talk shifts.

You feel like you must defend yourself, and they feel the same.

The talk turns into a fight to see who is right. You both end up sad and tired, and nothing gets fixed.

There is a name for this, and it is called whataboutism.

This means that when one person shares a feeling, the other person answers by saying what about when you did this.

It pulls the talk away from care and turns it into blame.

Even though both people may love each other, the talk becomes a race to win instead of a chance to understand each other.

This happens because when people feel scared or hurt, they try to protect themselves.

They do not want to feel like the only one who made a mistake.

So they bring up an old hurt to show they are not wrong.

It feels like a shield, but the problem is that shields keep people apart.

They stop the talk from growing into something that can help both hearts feel safe.

And, you know, it is really natural to get into this feeling without even realizing.

So, how to deal with it?

The first step is to notice when the talk is starting to turn into a game to prove who is right.

You can feel it in your chest.

Your voice gets a little sharper, and your mind starts to build a list of things you want to throw back.

This is the point where many talks fall apart, but this is also the point where you can choose a different path.

Instead of trying to win, you can try to understand what the other person is really feeling.

You can think to yourself, they are not trying to fight me, but they are trying to tell me they are hurting.

And, when you choose to listen, the talk softens, the other person feels safe again, and you feel safe, too.

But whataboutism keeps the talk stuck in the past.

So, my friend, the next time a talk starts to feel heavy, try asking yourself inside your mind:

“Do I want to win this, or do I want us to understand each other?”

It may feel hard at first, but it can change everything.

And, I’m sure you’ll be able to do it, my friend.

Praying for your physical and mental well-being, and wishing you a joyous, peaceful, and wonderful day ahead.

That is it for today, and see you tomorrow.

Take care,
Prasad Mairale
Petals of Positivity 🌸